Zis German Life

My Sentiment's Exact

 

Hard, man, hard.

The Federal Teat

Saw these Meisterstuecke at the Federal Ministry today. They are part of a show on Ukrainian painters. The one on the right is somewhat...well, let's just say...no, let's just not say. The one with the piggies is more disturbing. Especially in a government building. Especially here.

I think the one with the ponytails is my neighbor.

(It's probably some famous painting. But, alas, I'm just a dumb Armenian American.)

The Grand Teton Radio Network

Good morning! You’re listening to the sweet sounds of K.M.A.M…

Ah, Christmas. A time for giving. A time for joy. A time for tits.

Well, well, well. So here’s a shot from Das Bild, Germany’s top tabloid daily, which always runs a photo of a partially nude lass on its cover. (A hairy male ass would launch the entire German-speaking world into rioting and convulsions.) Seventeen pages in, a few days after the holiday, you would have found this magnificent piece of heartfelt journalism. I did, and now I’m sharing it with you.

For the non-Sprächers: “Grandpa (86) gives grandson bosom radio as gift.” Then the young man goes on to say that Grandpa just brought it back one day from some scam or another.

Well, looks like “tune in, Tokyo” has just gotten one step – one large step – closer to reality.

Please touch that dial!

Criminally Dum

another example of fine, urban commentary in the Hauptstadt...

S'gettin' purdy slip'ry on the poop deck, Cap'n!

Oh, yes.  Anyone who's lived in Berlin for a while will recognize this sight - squished dog shit streaked across the sidewalk.  No, my fellow traveler, Berlin is not the place where you'll spy diligent pet-owners digging used plastic bags out of random garbage cans so they can properly dispose of Fluffy's little love goobers.  Sorry, you're gonna have to try Brooklyn for that.  Some Germans have tried to make things more civilized, but apparently there aren't enough of them to pass the "pick your own Hundekot up, you lazy shit" law.  Instead, I think I heard about a law being passed that charged a special tax for dog owners, and apparently that made a bunch of people go apeshit.  And here I was thinking that Germany was - as G.W.Bush likes to call it - an "ownership society"... 

All this is just prologue for me saying that I was almost floored the other day when I saw the dog-shit-bag dispenser pictured here.

Now, I wholeheartedly applaud the upright citizens who made this happen.  But a few questions remain.  First, will Germans embrace this hygienic practice?  Two, are the instructions here sufficient to help them on their way?  As far as I can tell, it only tells you to (1) take out a bag, (2) gather up the doggy do-do, and (3) throw the bag in the garbage can.  Aren't they missing a key step here, viz. PUT THE SHIT IN THE BAG??? 

Oh well, you can't ask for everything in this world...

One last observation.  If you look closely, the bag says "safer is better."  What are they pushing here?  Jimmies?

Knut could-have-been...

From an art gallery on Auguststrasse.  What could have happened to Knut...

The Proto-Heimlich Maneuver

It is a little known fact, but the famous Heimlich Maneuver was actually invented when Henry inadvertently applied the original maneuver - the so-called Pobackenspreizer Maneuver - backwards.  On a recent trip to Zum Nussbaum, a less-touristy-than-you-think pub in Berlin, I found this sculpture group touchingly depicting a small German family with one child performing the original maneuver on another.

Weltpisserschaft

I came.  I went.  I scored.

When you know you're not cool anymore...

I hope my mom doesn't read this posting, because I don't want her to see her x-mas present prematurely...

...no, not the smokes...

Yokes aside, last night, I was dragged away from my loovely wife and taken (as substitute escort) into the upper bowels of the Hackescher Markt.  A very good - though brief - concert by Super700...but, even more, an opportunity to remind myself that I'm getting old.  I kept on thinking to myself: "Do they think I'm as old as I feel?"  Oh well, I'll just "nerd-up" in the cafes and leave the nightlife to the jungs...

Officer Appreciation Day

Deep thoughts on a corner in Prenzlauerberg.

Signs like this always get my brain spinning a bit.  My first thought is, why exactly is this in English?  The second thought is usually about the intent of the artist.  For example, when I look at this, I don't really see a destructive intent, but rather a design intent.  Speaking of which, I find the stencil artists of Berlin amazing.  Can anyone recommend a neighborhood to walk around in and see some really good stencil art?  Can you help me out, Ber?